Map Literary: A Journal of Contemporary Writing and Art
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  • Poetry
    • Dennis Hinrichsen Poetry
    • Daniel Biegelson
    • Natan Last
    • Jim Daniels Poetry
    • Michael Chang
    • D E Steward
    • Benjamin Paloff Poetry
    • David Dodd Lee
    • Isabelle Doyle
    • Kathleen Heil
    • Leonard Kress
    • Lauren Tess
    • Cesca Janece Waterfield
    • Billy Cancel Poetry
    • Scott Minar
    • Greg Glazner
    • Bruce McRae
    • Maureen Thorson
  • Fiction
    • Dan A. Cardoza
    • Steinur Bell, "How to Measure Rain"
    • John Reid, "Frames"
    • J. Alan Nelson, "Re Matter of the Longhorn Skull and One Ball Buck"
    • Emily Trachtenberg, "Plum"
    • Hector Donovan-Gonzalez
    • Rich Ives, "Insect People"
    • Christopher Linforth, "Zia"
    • Marlene Olin, "Wanna Ride?"
    • Jenessa Abrams, "You Never Wish That Upon Anyone"
    • Rebecca Berg, "My Father's Daughter"
    • Kevin Sterne, "Wisconsin's American Zoo (WAZOO) Invites You to Pet the Meese"
    • Eros Livieratos, "On Feeling"
    • James William Gardner, "Lowcountry Boil"
    • Guy Biederman, "Sociale"
    • Sean Trolinder, "MLA Citation Gone Wild"
    • Rebecca Hannigan, "Little"
    • Halsted M. Bernard, "Your Hands"
    • Justin Meckes, "The Gash"
    • Reb Livingston, from "Bombyonder"
    • Craig Foltz, "Without Stigma"
    • On Experimental Fiction
  • Nonfiction
    • Cal Freeman, "Loosestrife"
    • W.F. Lantry, "The Strange Beauty of the Unfamiliar"
    • Michael Roloff, "Accretion"
    • Andrew Sunshine, "John Hancock's John Hancock"
    • Jay Merill "Cherry Red"
    • JM Farkas, "First Mindedness, Second Language"
    • Elizabeth Levine, "Gay Geography"
    • John Bliss, "Keep the Change"
    • Miranda Royse, "Disgusting Woman"
    • Elena Botts, "Ode to Oceans"
    • Diane Payne, "3 micro memoirs"
    • Luc Sante, "Flesh and Bone"
    • Isobel O'Hare, "Failure: A Love Letter"
    • Melissa Wiley, "Barbed Wire Fence"
    • Ashley Wilkinson, "fractional distillation"
    • Lori Hawks, "The Fix"
  • Art
    • Douglas G. Campbell
    • Edward Supranowicz
    • Mario Loprete
    • Jean Wolff
    • Toti O'Brien
    • Maria DeGuzman
    • Geoffrey Detrani
    • Keith Moul
    • Annabelle Schafer
    • Robin Schwartz
    • Billy Cancel
    • The Scientist
    • Tim J. Myers
    • Derek Owens
    • Leonel Piraino
    • Matthew Rose
    • Jacob Spriggs
    • Koji Nagai
    • Kristin Allmer
    • Limor Sadot
    • Ark Codex
    • Dahlia Elsayed
    • Yuji Hiratsuka, "Beet Meets Meat"
    • Kasey Ramirez, "Edifice"
  • Archives
    • 2018 >
      • Poetry 2018 >
        • Carlos Hiraldo
        • Martin Ott
        • Karyn Anne Petracca
        • Donald Illich
        • James Reidel
        • Dennis Hinrichsen
      • Fiction 2018 >
        • Rebecca Pyle, "Winter Solstice"
        • Martin Rutley, "Job Offer on Seventh Heaven"
        • Matthew Baker, "Superhighway"
        • Matthew Serback, "How to Make a Boulder"
        • Pavle Radonic, "The Laboratory"
        • Arkor Kolubah, "A Touch of Comfort"
      • Nonfiction 2018 >
        • Scott Wordsman reviews Petter Lindgren
        • Alexander Clark, "Postdiluvian"
    • 2017 >
      • Fiction 2017 >
        • Kathryn Holzman, "Eating Meat"
        • Kaitlyn Burd, "Nature with You in It"
        • Katie Young Foster, "Promotion"
        • William Cordeiro, "Selections from Whispering Gallery"
        • Alexandra Renwick, "The Life of an Artifact in Duodecadal Glances"
        • Lizzi Wolf, "My Brother's Therapist"
      • Poetry 2017 >
        • Keith Mark Gaboury
        • Mark Decarteret
        • Douglas Piccinnini
        • Matthew McBride
        • Jim Daniels
        • Sally Ashton
        • Raymond Farr
      • Nonfiction 2017 >
        • Charlie Moses, "Dear Friend"
        • Pamela Woolford, "This Is What Happened"
        • Jennifer Martelli, "Phobiacompendia"
    • 2016 >
      • Fiction 2016 >
        • Loie Merritt, "The Edge of the Sea is a Strange and Beautiful Place"
        • Mitchell Grabois, "i"
        • Kelle Groom, "25 Reasons to Attend the Gala"
        • Mike Shepley, "Killing Symbols"
        • Jody Azzouni, "Owning Things"
        • Dan Gutstein, "Like Airplanes and Stars"
        • Kate Imbach, "Diamondland"
      • Poetry 2016 >
        • Jeff Alessandrelli
        • Daniel Coudriet
        • Peter Leight
        • John Wells
        • Jenna Cardinale
        • Isabelle Shepherd
        • Michael Robins
        • Will Walker
        • Bridget Sprouls
        • Allan Johnston
        • Hugh Behm-Steinberg
        • Caroline Knox
        • David Dodd Lee
        • John Deming
        • David McLoghlin
    • 2015 >
      • Poetry 2015 >
        • Adam Clay
        • Kyle Hemmings
        • Matthew Henriksen
        • Megan Kaminski
        • Emily Kendal Frey
        • Noelle Kocot
        • Katy Lederer
        • John Lowther
        • Nathaniel Sverloff
        • Franz Werfel -- James Reidel
      • Fiction 2015 >
        • Erin Bedford, "Riesenrad"
        • James Braziel, "Jick's Chevrolet"
        • James Braziel, "Vittate"
        • Adrian Class, "Or Flights"
        • Erica L. Kaufman, "It Buried Us"
        • Nolan Liebert, "Gravity of Hearts"
        • Heather Noland, "Cosmic Slump"
        • Tom Whalen, "In the Cathedral"
      • Nonfiction 2015 >
        • Rebecca Cook, "What the Hammer Said When the Hammer Hit the Girl"
        • Margot Kelley, "Companion Species"
    • Fall 2014 >
      • Poetry Fall 2014 >
        • Stephanie Anderson
        • John Buckley and Martin Ott
        • Vanessa Couto Johnson
        • John Estes
        • Anne Gorrick
        • Henry Israeli
        • Keegan Lester
        • John Loughlin
        • Douglas Luman
        • Danielle Mitchell
        • Alexandria Peary
        • Marcus Slease
        • Georg Trakl / James Reidel
      • Fiction Fall 2014 >
        • Matt Rowan, "Dog's Best Friend"
        • Kelli Anne Noftle, "Before She Was Olive"
        • Chris Okum, "Ratatat"
        • Jon Fried, "Cashing In"
        • Lisa C. Taylor, "Visible Wounds"
        • Sarah Kahn, "Break"
        • Rebekah Morton, "Big Sis"
      • Nonfiction Fall 2014 >
        • Stephen Benz, "Night Then Morning: Elko, Nevada"
        • Joseph C. Jiuliani, "Of Stealing and of Being Stolen"
        • Lindsay Chudzik, "Jailface"
        • Robert D. Vivian, "Just After Rain"
    • Spring 2014 >
      • Poetry Spring 2014 >
        • Simeon Berry
        • Molly Brodak
        • Wyn Cooper
        • Brian Foley
        • Tim Kahl
        • Caroline Knox
        • Rob MacDonald
        • Benjamin Paloff
      • Fiction Spring 2014 >
        • Gareth David Anderson, "Cupcake"
        • Halsted M. Bernard, "Your Hands"
        • Patrick Cole, "Pick-up Lines"
        • Joshua Graber, "This Fine Experience"
        • Lola Grace, "Natural Birth"
        • Robert E. Tanner, "Non-Disclosure Disagreement"
      • Art Spring 2014
    • 2012 & 2013
  • Pedagogy
Picture

REBECCA HANNIGAN

Little


​The nurse brought lunch and a heated blanket to warm the woman’s body, holding the door open for the small girl who slipped in behind.

“You can’t let a little rain,” the woman said, in whisper words to the small girl, her daughter, who stood close to the bed with a baby face and umbrella. “You can’t let a little rain keep you from getting out there. From going, moving, living, being out there, wherever you want to be.”
 
“What?” Her daughter blinked.
 
The nurse walked out and closed the door.

“You’re not going to melt,” her mother said. “You’re just not. So don’t even worry.”
 
“I’m not worried about -”
 
“It’s not possible, okay?” She insisted. “It just can’t happen.”
 
The daughter nodded, agreeable. She was ten and, like her mother, had feathery hair and light skin. Like her mother, she didn’t know where she was supposed to begin and where others should end. But unlike her mother, she thought that someday, somehow, she wanted to know.
 
The mother folded her hand in half, tucking it under her thin body beneath the cotton blanket. “Is it chilly in here?”
 
The daughter shook her head, no. She looked around for another blanket, then noticed the lunch tray beside the bed. “Have you eaten?” she asked. “You should eat.”
 
The woman didn’t acknowledge this comment, but continued her own conversation. “It’s not possible for you to be anything less than beautiful.” She looked her daughter in the eyes.
 
“And skinny. You will always be the right size. I don’t care what anyone says,” she held up a pointed finger on the end of a bony wrist. “Don’t listen.”
 
The girl rocked from heel to toe, back and forth, like the soles of her feet were on water. “You need to eat your lunch,” she said.
 
Her mother didn’t seem to hear. “They will look at you and look at you like you are too big. You will feel ugly and greasy and gross, like a thick chunk of everything awful in the world. So awful that they will scare you into starving yourself. But don’t let them.”
 
The girl nodded. She lifted the lid covering the plate, pushing it closer to the bed.
 
“You promise me?” Her mother’s voice sharpened.
 
She nodded again, more quickly this time.
 
“I mean really. Promise me.”
 
“I promise,” she spat out without thinking, like feedback from a radio. She looked at the lunch, wishing she could eat it on her mother’s behalf, then somehow transfer it to her body. This feeling was familiar, from days and months and years of watching her mother miss meals, days and months and years of watching her father’s presence expand and her mother’s shrink.
 
“They say it’s a little problem with my heart,” her voice resumed its regular rhythm and cadence, and the girl continued rocking. “But only a little problem. That can’t be too bad.”
 
The daughter didn’t answer. She remembered the last time her mother had a “little problem” with her heart, about a year ago, when the hospital became her home and she was left alone with her father, who couldn’t take it anymore and left, running from rising medical bills, saying he had more than his fill of her mess, saying that she was more mess than he could clean.
 
The girl sighed, shifting from heel to toe in time with the steady beep on the machine above her mother’s head, letting her eyes glaze over the bag of fluid attached by needle to her arm, the bag dripping tiny drops down the tube, into her small body.
 
“Hearts are designed to have problems.” She laughed an empty laugh. “And everyone has problems. Ask your father, if you ever talk to him again.” She sighed. “Love problems. Cardiac problems. Every problem. Everyone.”
 
The girl’s eyes glazed and glossed and blurred so much that, even as she stared, she could barely see the small lump under the covers.

“Some have more problems than others. My heart’s just a little off. Slight arrhythmia. And that’s what happens. We get out of sync with ourselves every now and then.”
 
Her mother kept talking, but the daughter could hardly hear. She could hardly hear the sour words slipping from the skeleton-head lying limp on the pillow. The girl’s eyes blurred and blended the soft colors of the cotton blanket with her mother’s pale tepid skin until the two forms shrunk together, slipping like sugar mixed in milk in tea, like water going down the drain, lessening, losing, until there was just a little bit left. The daughter was losing, losing, until she was lost.
 
The nurse returned an hour later to bring another blanket and saw the girl standing, still, beside her sleeping mother. She was in the same place as before, but something, the nurse noticed, seemed different. The girl looked almost as if she had grown a few inches taller, as if her presence were somehow slightly bigger. The cover on the lunch tray was overturned, and the plate was empty.
 
 


Copyright © January 2019 Rebecca Hannigan

Picture
Rebecca Hannigan is a staff reviewer for Into the Void and a junior editor for F(r)iction. Her work is forthcoming in The Rumpus and can be found in Juked, Wigleaf, Queen Mob's Teahouse, and elsewhere. She lives in Denver, Colorado.

published by
The Department of English
College of Humanities & Social Sciences
The William Paterson University of New Jersey
Copyright © 2012-2022 Map Literary
Map Literary

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  • About
    • Masthead
    • Submissions
    • Rachel Wetzsteon Chapbook Award
    • In Print
    • Subscribe
    • Links
    • Internship Opportunity
    • WPU MFA
  • Poetry
    • Dennis Hinrichsen Poetry
    • Daniel Biegelson
    • Natan Last
    • Jim Daniels Poetry
    • Michael Chang
    • D E Steward
    • Benjamin Paloff Poetry
    • David Dodd Lee
    • Isabelle Doyle
    • Kathleen Heil
    • Leonard Kress
    • Lauren Tess
    • Cesca Janece Waterfield
    • Billy Cancel Poetry
    • Scott Minar
    • Greg Glazner
    • Bruce McRae
    • Maureen Thorson
  • Fiction
    • Dan A. Cardoza
    • Steinur Bell, "How to Measure Rain"
    • John Reid, "Frames"
    • J. Alan Nelson, "Re Matter of the Longhorn Skull and One Ball Buck"
    • Emily Trachtenberg, "Plum"
    • Hector Donovan-Gonzalez
    • Rich Ives, "Insect People"
    • Christopher Linforth, "Zia"
    • Marlene Olin, "Wanna Ride?"
    • Jenessa Abrams, "You Never Wish That Upon Anyone"
    • Rebecca Berg, "My Father's Daughter"
    • Kevin Sterne, "Wisconsin's American Zoo (WAZOO) Invites You to Pet the Meese"
    • Eros Livieratos, "On Feeling"
    • James William Gardner, "Lowcountry Boil"
    • Guy Biederman, "Sociale"
    • Sean Trolinder, "MLA Citation Gone Wild"
    • Rebecca Hannigan, "Little"
    • Halsted M. Bernard, "Your Hands"
    • Justin Meckes, "The Gash"
    • Reb Livingston, from "Bombyonder"
    • Craig Foltz, "Without Stigma"
    • On Experimental Fiction
  • Nonfiction
    • Cal Freeman, "Loosestrife"
    • W.F. Lantry, "The Strange Beauty of the Unfamiliar"
    • Michael Roloff, "Accretion"
    • Andrew Sunshine, "John Hancock's John Hancock"
    • Jay Merill "Cherry Red"
    • JM Farkas, "First Mindedness, Second Language"
    • Elizabeth Levine, "Gay Geography"
    • John Bliss, "Keep the Change"
    • Miranda Royse, "Disgusting Woman"
    • Elena Botts, "Ode to Oceans"
    • Diane Payne, "3 micro memoirs"
    • Luc Sante, "Flesh and Bone"
    • Isobel O'Hare, "Failure: A Love Letter"
    • Melissa Wiley, "Barbed Wire Fence"
    • Ashley Wilkinson, "fractional distillation"
    • Lori Hawks, "The Fix"
  • Art
    • Douglas G. Campbell
    • Edward Supranowicz
    • Mario Loprete
    • Jean Wolff
    • Toti O'Brien
    • Maria DeGuzman
    • Geoffrey Detrani
    • Keith Moul
    • Annabelle Schafer
    • Robin Schwartz
    • Billy Cancel
    • The Scientist
    • Tim J. Myers
    • Derek Owens
    • Leonel Piraino
    • Matthew Rose
    • Jacob Spriggs
    • Koji Nagai
    • Kristin Allmer
    • Limor Sadot
    • Ark Codex
    • Dahlia Elsayed
    • Yuji Hiratsuka, "Beet Meets Meat"
    • Kasey Ramirez, "Edifice"
  • Archives
    • 2018 >
      • Poetry 2018 >
        • Carlos Hiraldo
        • Martin Ott
        • Karyn Anne Petracca
        • Donald Illich
        • James Reidel
        • Dennis Hinrichsen
      • Fiction 2018 >
        • Rebecca Pyle, "Winter Solstice"
        • Martin Rutley, "Job Offer on Seventh Heaven"
        • Matthew Baker, "Superhighway"
        • Matthew Serback, "How to Make a Boulder"
        • Pavle Radonic, "The Laboratory"
        • Arkor Kolubah, "A Touch of Comfort"
      • Nonfiction 2018 >
        • Scott Wordsman reviews Petter Lindgren
        • Alexander Clark, "Postdiluvian"
    • 2017 >
      • Fiction 2017 >
        • Kathryn Holzman, "Eating Meat"
        • Kaitlyn Burd, "Nature with You in It"
        • Katie Young Foster, "Promotion"
        • William Cordeiro, "Selections from Whispering Gallery"
        • Alexandra Renwick, "The Life of an Artifact in Duodecadal Glances"
        • Lizzi Wolf, "My Brother's Therapist"
      • Poetry 2017 >
        • Keith Mark Gaboury
        • Mark Decarteret
        • Douglas Piccinnini
        • Matthew McBride
        • Jim Daniels
        • Sally Ashton
        • Raymond Farr
      • Nonfiction 2017 >
        • Charlie Moses, "Dear Friend"
        • Pamela Woolford, "This Is What Happened"
        • Jennifer Martelli, "Phobiacompendia"
    • 2016 >
      • Fiction 2016 >
        • Loie Merritt, "The Edge of the Sea is a Strange and Beautiful Place"
        • Mitchell Grabois, "i"
        • Kelle Groom, "25 Reasons to Attend the Gala"
        • Mike Shepley, "Killing Symbols"
        • Jody Azzouni, "Owning Things"
        • Dan Gutstein, "Like Airplanes and Stars"
        • Kate Imbach, "Diamondland"
      • Poetry 2016 >
        • Jeff Alessandrelli
        • Daniel Coudriet
        • Peter Leight
        • John Wells
        • Jenna Cardinale
        • Isabelle Shepherd
        • Michael Robins
        • Will Walker
        • Bridget Sprouls
        • Allan Johnston
        • Hugh Behm-Steinberg
        • Caroline Knox
        • David Dodd Lee
        • John Deming
        • David McLoghlin
    • 2015 >
      • Poetry 2015 >
        • Adam Clay
        • Kyle Hemmings
        • Matthew Henriksen
        • Megan Kaminski
        • Emily Kendal Frey
        • Noelle Kocot
        • Katy Lederer
        • John Lowther
        • Nathaniel Sverloff
        • Franz Werfel -- James Reidel
      • Fiction 2015 >
        • Erin Bedford, "Riesenrad"
        • James Braziel, "Jick's Chevrolet"
        • James Braziel, "Vittate"
        • Adrian Class, "Or Flights"
        • Erica L. Kaufman, "It Buried Us"
        • Nolan Liebert, "Gravity of Hearts"
        • Heather Noland, "Cosmic Slump"
        • Tom Whalen, "In the Cathedral"
      • Nonfiction 2015 >
        • Rebecca Cook, "What the Hammer Said When the Hammer Hit the Girl"
        • Margot Kelley, "Companion Species"
    • Fall 2014 >
      • Poetry Fall 2014 >
        • Stephanie Anderson
        • John Buckley and Martin Ott
        • Vanessa Couto Johnson
        • John Estes
        • Anne Gorrick
        • Henry Israeli
        • Keegan Lester
        • John Loughlin
        • Douglas Luman
        • Danielle Mitchell
        • Alexandria Peary
        • Marcus Slease
        • Georg Trakl / James Reidel
      • Fiction Fall 2014 >
        • Matt Rowan, "Dog's Best Friend"
        • Kelli Anne Noftle, "Before She Was Olive"
        • Chris Okum, "Ratatat"
        • Jon Fried, "Cashing In"
        • Lisa C. Taylor, "Visible Wounds"
        • Sarah Kahn, "Break"
        • Rebekah Morton, "Big Sis"
      • Nonfiction Fall 2014 >
        • Stephen Benz, "Night Then Morning: Elko, Nevada"
        • Joseph C. Jiuliani, "Of Stealing and of Being Stolen"
        • Lindsay Chudzik, "Jailface"
        • Robert D. Vivian, "Just After Rain"
    • Spring 2014 >
      • Poetry Spring 2014 >
        • Simeon Berry
        • Molly Brodak
        • Wyn Cooper
        • Brian Foley
        • Tim Kahl
        • Caroline Knox
        • Rob MacDonald
        • Benjamin Paloff
      • Fiction Spring 2014 >
        • Gareth David Anderson, "Cupcake"
        • Halsted M. Bernard, "Your Hands"
        • Patrick Cole, "Pick-up Lines"
        • Joshua Graber, "This Fine Experience"
        • Lola Grace, "Natural Birth"
        • Robert E. Tanner, "Non-Disclosure Disagreement"
      • Art Spring 2014
    • 2012 & 2013
  • Pedagogy